Today was the first day of my crazy 30 Days to Feeling Fit program. To commemorate the occasion, I christened last week my “last hurrah week” and used the time to indulge in the things I would be giving up for the month. I had subs, pizza, lots of alcohol, ice cream, wings, pretty much all the things. I thought I would feel normal, but apparently I eat slightly better than I thought, and instead felt pretty gross. It was the bread that did it – I don’t eat a lot of bread and I felt what I ate this last week. I’m pretty sure I put some weight on during my last hurrah week, especially since I didn’t make it to the gym as much as I should have. There is no better way to start my journey than a good binge.
The hardest part so far has been the encouragement from friends and family. I know, that sounds ridiculous. But one of the things I wrote about in my post about starting this journey was how it didn’t matter what my friends said, I see something different. I guess I assumed that everyone would read that as what I was really thinking: Please don’t tell me I don’t need to do this. I didn’t want to get texts and emails and Facebook posts saying “Remember, you’re already beautiful” and “You look great the way you are!” I love you friends, but if I agreed with you, I wouldn’t be doing this. (And I’m getting tired of saying “well, I guess I’m just resetting my diet” as an excuse/explanation so we don’t have to address the fact that I need to lose weight.)
That said, what else are you all supposed to say? “Oh yeah good thinking, you were getting a little chubs!” No, you’re just trying to show support. I know. I’m irrational. Probably. Maybe.
Weight loss is a journey that’s both physical and mental. It’s one thing to change my diet, but I also have to work to change how I think and feel about food. I struggled to create a balanced meal today, and I struggled not to snack when I wasn’t that hungry. At one point, I was simply reading about food and I could feel myself getting hungry (in fact, just writing this entry is making me hungry). My body is so used to dessert after dinner, or snacking while I make dinner, or having a yogurt at 10am – I am fighting with myself to not eat everything in sight.
Of course, it’s just the first day and things will get easier. Maybe tomorrow I won’t struggle at all, although maybe I’ll slip up and eat some chocolate cake.